some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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