I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
