He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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