Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
