Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
