I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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