Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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