Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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