I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
