i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
