I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
