Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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