this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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