"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she smelled like a LAN party
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sext me about skeletons
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
