Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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