He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
