So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
