I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
