Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
