The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
