If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
