Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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