Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
