you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
