Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
