Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
