am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
