pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
