I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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