If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
