I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
