she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
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i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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