i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
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When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
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I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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