one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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