My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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