i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
