I just pynch a tree in the face
I think I died a long time ago.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
