she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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