Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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