Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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