Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it was like eating out sand paper
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
