at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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