I should be sponsored by Trojan
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
