So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
