I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
