you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
