Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
