dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
