Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
