which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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