you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
