i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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