I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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