so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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