How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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