literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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