is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
vagina is talking i cant
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
