I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
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Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
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SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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