I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
