I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
organizing the empties. That sober.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
