You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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