I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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