worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
