His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
