Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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