There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
