I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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