Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
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I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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