i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
