Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
